


Remus' Choice

by themadmage



Series: Choices [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Voldemort Wins, Betrayal, Choices, Companion Piece, Death Eater Harry Potter, Gen, Loss, Moral Dilemmas, Pack, Second War with Voldemort, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-22
Packaged: 2019-06-30 22:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15760770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themadmage/pseuds/themadmage
Summary: Remus reacts to Harry's choices. A companion piece to Choices, should be read after Hermione's Choice.





	Remus' Choice

_Remus,_

_Please don't fight. I'm sorry that I had to do this, but I made a deal for your safety as long as you don't fight. The Order can't win. I don't expect you'll forgive me, but I love you and I want you to stay alive._

_HJP_

It was barely a note, but it rocked Remus' world. It didn't technically confirm what the  _Daily Prophet_ was saying, but Remus could read between the lines. He sighed, and got up. The full was tonight, and Remus had to get ready.

 

The wolf tore itself apart more than ever. Fragmented thoughts raced.  _Pack. Cub._   _Where._

The wolf had a pack, and it had been picked off one by one. A stag, a rat, and a dog. A cub. The stag and the dog dead, the rat gone. The cub- 

 

Remus woke the next morning so battered he couldn't get up. That hadn't happened in ages. His memories from the night before were as hazy as ever, but he remembered the bone-deep loneliness. As he waited for someone to realize he needed healing, Remus thought about his lost friends. His lost pack. Harry was the last remnant of his pack and now he was gone too.

 

The Order was useless. It wasn't their fault, really. Harry's friends couldn't tell them what they knew. Everyone in the Order knew that Harry would always be key to their victory. Severus was gone. Bill was doing his best, but he was young and didn't have the same wisdom as Albus. 

At the second meeting, they were able to read the letter from Harry. Remus' heart broke as he saw the anguish his cub had been feeling. He couldn't even bring himself to be angry that he'd apparently been obliviated over the summer, though by the expressions on a few faces he thought that others could. They didn't have the same relationship with Harry that he did, though. They couldn't.

 

It was Harry's birthday. Remus was so depressed without his pack that he barely reacted when he heard that Minister Scrimegour had been killed. When Hermione dragged him into a room with Ron to talk about options, he put on his best brave face. He was glad she was leaving. She might be seventeen, legally an adult, but she was too young to live in the world that Voldemort would be creating. Ron would stay with his family, and Remus was unsurprised. The Weasleys had always been a close-knit bunch. 

After Hermione left, Remus turned to Ron. "Stay with your family, but that doesn't mean you have to be on the battlefield."

Ron seemed to blink himself out of a stupor. "Sorry?"

"You're a brilliant strategist, Ron. Use your mind to help your family, and keep yourself safe. You're too young to fight a war that's already been lost."

"You really think that's true, then?"

"I do. With Harry on Voldemort's side, it's not likely that another prophesied hero will come along. Especially not within our lifetimes. The best thing you can do is look out for personal safety now, and Harry gave you a gift that no one else will have."

"How could he do this to us? How could Harry join Voldemort?"

"When it comes to war, people regularly go against their morals. It's about what's important to you, and clearly for Harry that was his free will. For Hermione it's safety. For you it's your family, and you're lucky that your family has the same morals you do. It'll make things easier for you."

"What is it for you?"

Remus thought about the last full moon, and the one that was fast approaching. "I don't know yet, but I expect I'll find out. I need to go, Ron. Think about your safety as a last gift from Harry, and don't throw it away."

 

August's full moon was no better than the last. Remus woke up the next day bleeding, with broken bones and at least one dislocated joint. Once again, he couldn't move and had to wait for someone to have mercy on him. The depression hadn't let up, and on the full it seemed it translated to anger. Most things did for the wolf. When Remus was able to walk, he went straight to bed. As he fell asleep, his last thoughts were of his pack.

 

If the wolf didn't kill him, he was going to do it himself. It had been two days since the full and Remus' bones still ached. He only got out of bed to use the restroom. He wasn't eating. Pack filled his thoughts at all times. His cub was out there, the last member of his pack, and he wasn't helping him. Remus was surrounded by people who were contemplating fighting his cub, and he was doing nothing to stop or discourage them. 

He couldn't live without his cub. Remus thought again about Ron asking him what was more important than his morals, and realized the suspicion he'd had that day was true. It was his pack, and his cub. For Harry, Remus would do anything. For Harry, Remus would become a Death Eater

 

How does one go about joining the Death Eaters? How did Harry manage it without being killed? Remus wished he could ask. Then Remus realized that while he probably couldn't ask Harry, he knew two other members of Voldemort's army. 

Which traitor should he write to, Peter or Severus? Remus winced slightly realizing that he was now a traitor too. He decided on Severus. Even now that he was planning on switching sides, Remus didn't think he could forgive Peter. Peter had caused James and Lily's deaths, indirectly made Harry an orphan. Remus was doing this for Harry.  _It's different_ , he reminded himself as he got out his quill and parchment.

_Severus,_

_I need to see you. I can't say why in writing. I swear on my magic that I will come alone and won't attempt to fight you or bring you back to the Order. Name a time and place and I will make it work._

_Remus Lupin_

A response came later that day.  _The White Wyvern, midnight_. Remus steeled himself against the idea of going into Knockturn Alley late at night, and fetched his cloak. He'd have a butterbeer at the Leaky first to get the courage.

 

Remus walked into the seedy Knockturn Alley pub with his hood pulled down low. He wasn't terribly worried about being recognized in all honesty, but he'd stand out if he didn't. He located Severus by scent and sat at the booth with him. A privacy charm immediately fell into place, and Remus took down his hood.

"What event took place in sixth year that should have led to expulsion and didn't?"

Remus cringed at the memory. "Sirius sent you to the Shrieking Shack while I was transformed, and you were almost killed. Who did we find in the shrieking shack during Harry's third year?"

"Black and Pettigrew. What do you need?"

Remus took a steadying breath. "I want to join Voldemort."

Severus didn't immediately reply, and Remus found himself anxious. Finally, "Why?"

"Harry," Remus replied immediately. "He's my cub. I'm dying without my pack and he's all that's left."

"Isn't that a bit dramatic, Lupin?"

"The last two full moons I have injured myself nearly to the point of death. That's not taking into account the depression between them. I cannot keep going like this, Severus."

Severus seemed to think that over, then nodded. "I will speak with the Dark Lord and contact you."

"Thank you," Remus sighed. 

 

It was the new moon before Remus heard from Severus, but eventually an owl arrived with a note and a portkey.  _10 p.m._


End file.
